COMMUNICATION AND CONFLICT

BY WAJIHA KHURSHED

Introduction
Conflict is inevitable and not necessarily harmful. No matter what the conflict, it can be managed in such a way that losses are minimized and gains maximized. The inevitable conflicts that life involves may range from simple personal choices about whether to spend one’s last few cents on a jellied, rather than a glazed, donut to global war. One response to conflict is avoidance: flight, not fight. The other is to seek resolution by taking action in one form or another.
Significantly, with the exception of direct consensual resolution between or among the contending parties themselves (negotiation), in the entire 4.5 million-year-plus presence of our species or our immediate forbearers on earth only 3 methods of conflict resolution have regularly been used: violence) interpersonal, intertribal and international) third party intervention (arbitration, litigation, etc.) and some form of mediation (negotiation facilitated by neutral third party).
Mediation defined: What is mediation? Why mediate?
Mediation is facilitated communication for agreement or facilitated negotiation. Central to mediation is the concept of “informed consent” to participate and reach a resolution. Mediation is a process. The core value in mediation is that the process provides the parties with an opportunity to negotiate, converse and explore options aided by a neutral third party, the mediator, to exhaustively determine if a settlement is possible. Mediation involves a determination of interests of the parties. Interests are the needs, wants, and the desires that are of importance to the parties. Mediation provides a forum for the principled negotiations…it is the bullet train to certainty and finality.
Communication skills in mediation: Do’s and Don’ts
Always avoid the following, as they may prove barriers in effective communication as a mediator : ordering, directing ,commanding, warning, threatening, promising, moralizing, preaching, ‘shoulds’, ‘oughts’, advising, giving solutions or suggestions, teaching, lecturing, disagreeing, blaming, judging, criticizing, giving logical arguments, praising, agreeing, shaming, ridiculing, chastising, interpreting, sympathizing, consoling, supporting, probing, questioning, interrogating, withdrawing, distracting, humoring, diverting.
Good communication skills include active listening, dynamic personal interaction, knowing the anatomy of anger and anger control, emotional literacy, managing verbal aggression, going beyond the “ I “ statements, and focusing on interests. Understanding the other person’s interests can help move the discussion toward solutions which meet needs on both sides and knowing ones’ own interest unlocks new ideas. Intuiting and probing are two skills of listening. A successful conversation invents options for mutual gain that give a more satisfactory response to the interests of both sides.
Obstacles to successful mediation
Some key obstacles that may ruin and doom the mediation process are as follows and should be avoided:
• High levels of conflict.
• Low motivation to reach agreement.
• Low commitment to mediation.
• Power imbalance between the parties.
• When fundamental principles of parties are at risk.
• When resources for settlement are scarce.
Mentoring and coaching training in mediation
Mentors and coaches support us on journeys. Throughout our lives, we embark on intellectual, moral, spiritual, emotional, and physical odysseys. We encounter and reach out to figures that guide us through our fears and challenges. Mentors and coaches provide insight, understanding, good advice, determination, and motivation. Mediators are required at times to mentor and coach stakeholders in collaborative processes. The field often focuses on how to support new mediators in developing their skills and knowledge. The mentoring/coaching relationship is a particular kind of developmental relationship. This kind of relationship is one where one person takes on the responsibility to motivate another to learn, expose them to new learning opportunities, and support their development.
The mentoring and coaching training focuses not on what do I do and how should I do it but how to be. A mentor/coach is a way of being, that can be learned. The mediators have rich experiences with mentors/coaches in their lives, and already mentor and coach stakeholders in the process. They also read books in which the mentor figure was central. The training does not tell them what to do but elicits from them the personal qualities, developmental moments, climates, and characteristic behaviors of mentors/coaches and relates this knowledge to the contexts that their learning partners will be in. Mediators being trained to mentor and coach will also have to practice specific skills or behavior which are as follows: set goals with learning partners, create a climate for coaching and mentoring, develop trusting mentoring relationships, manage expectations and requests, observe and give feedback and encouragement, frame and ask questions, surface dilemmas, set challenges and evaluate and let go.
In the training the RESOLVE mediators are learning how to structure situations with their learning partners that support the learning partners as or even satisfying participation unless the parties are at a place in their conflict and in a frame to listen, trust, and relate in a dignified way with each other and accept the role of the mediator as the catalyst to transform the chemistry between them.
Managing the mediation environment and its importance
Environments send messages. The environment in which the mediation occurs can strongly influence the success of the mediation. This environment includes the physical surroundings that affect people’s bodily comfort levels. It also involves some less tangible elements : the parties’ relative levels of power, their feelings of safety, the and arrangements that convey respect. Mediators should pay close attention to all these details. It is helpful to create a reusable checklist of environmental factors so that systematic evaluation of each factor that is encountered in the light of what the mediator wants to achieve in each mediation is possible. Establishing comfort, preparing the main room, the caucus rooms, arranging tables and chairs, planning food, and managing time, and other ambience issues are all a part of maintaining a good mediation environment.

PREPARED BY WAJIHA KHURSHED
CLASS OF CONFLICT RESOLUTION AND
CRISIS MANAGEMENT
M.A. (PREVIOUS) 2003

All content (C) Department of International Relations, Karachi University

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